Bored

I am so envious of all you people who knew what you wanted to be "when you grew up" and stuck with it. Me? I've flip-flopped back and forth since I was a kid. First a teacher, then a nurse, then a marine biologist, then a musician, then a business woman, then a lawyer, then a teacher again, and over and over and over. I changed majors three times before I finally said, "Fine, I'll stick with this till I graduate." Then I go to get a masters in history, and I hate it. So I try to get another bachelors in nursing. I quit, I don't even know why. Then I try to go to law school. I wasn't very sold on it and knew it was WAY too much money to invest in something I wasn't sure about...so that's on hold. Sure, a law degree is pretty versatile and I can find something to do with it besides practicing law. But still...Five years after I graduated from college, and I still don't have any clue what I should do with my life.

I've hated every job I've had except one, but even then I wasn't happy because it just wasn't enough. I've been in retail, child care, restaurants, and clerical. The retail thing was just awful. Nautica was the only place I ever really semi-enjoyed, and that was only because of the people I worked with. Child care was great, but the $8 for 42.5 hrs of work a week wasn't....I was struggling to pay my bills, even with overtime. Restaurants - ugh, don't even get me started. One woman told me I was the worst server she'd ever seen and didn't leave me a tip. I just don't have the personality to be a server, unless it's at Dick's Last Resort where I can be a bitch and people are loving it.

And now I've been doing clerical work for the past 2 years. Started out great because it was my first "real" job, complete with benefits and paid vacation. Then I started to get bored. I beat the game, so to speak, and didn't wanna play anymore. I performed so well that my boss promoted me to another position after 6 months. Only I didn't get paid more. I had twice the responsibility, my own office, but the same pay. So I got frustrated. It wasn't anyone's fault, really - we just didn't have the work coming in. Then the work slowed even more, and I was put back on the reception desk, still doing my same work. By that point, I was really pissed. I was unhappy because my immediate supervisor was a know-it-all bitch (who was hired after me, I actually trained her on some things) and I was feeling extremely underchallenged and unimportant. The bright side was that I had a lot of friends that I worked with and was actually making enough money that I could put some aside in savings.

But that didn't last long. We started laying people off weekly, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they started on the admin. So when I got a call one day out of the blue from my prior recruiter asking if I was interested in interviewing for another position, I accepted. I got the job. They were going to pay me the same pay (after I fought for more b/c I'd be driving further), one less week of paid vacation (I had earned two before, but they weren't going to give me that same benefit), and it was a temp-to-perm job. I thought long and hard about it, and ended up taking it just because a lay-off was imminent.

I've regretted that decision ever since. I had no way of knowing why lay ahead, but I can say this - I would have lost my other job within a month anyway, so at least I still get paid. And as for the know-it-all at the old job? She's still there. She's Document Control, a brand new position in the company. Know who they laid off in admin? Procurement. He'd been there for years and was in charge of ordering the equipment the engineers used for the projects. She just files shit in the server and sends out transmittals, a job the engineers and other admin did themselves. I mean, hey, if they get a new project, they won't be able to get equipment, but they damn sure can file some papers.

Anyway, the reason I hate my current job is the same reason I've hated all my other jobs - it's boring. When I interviewed, I was told there was steady work coming in and I would be busy most of the time. I've done about two days worth of work since I started here FOUR MONTHS AGO. I sit here for 8-9 hours a day, five days a week, and play on the computer. Half the time I'm completely alone. There are only 4 other guys in the office, and 2 of them have been in the field for about a month, and the other 2 are in and out. I've read almost every book I own, I've read magazines, done puzzles, written, researched, daydreamed, napped, listened to music, walked around, thrown rubber band balls against the wall...you name it. When I do get a task, it takes me about ten minutes, depending on what it is. It's not difficult work. I'm even bored when I'm working, because I usually do thing I did in college (write a letter, file, make copies...). All the free time gets my mind to wandering, naturally. I think, "My God, I spent 4 and a half years in college, and this is what I'm doing." As a matter of fact, just yesterday I said, "College is so worthless when it comes to careers. It's great for life-experiences, but that's about it." Of course, that's for most people. The lucky few who specialized in something like teaching, nursing, etc. have it made. They get licensed, and they're done. The rest of us end up scrounging around for what puny positions we can find and then kiss ass so we can hopefully go somewhere with it, but then most times we're climbing a ladder we don't even want to climb. I had so many things in mind for my life that I had hoped to achieve by the time I turned 30. Having a career was of course one of them. I don't even have the possibility of a career, because I either stay a secretary or go back to school. I exhaust myself trying to figure out what to go back to school for. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why do I get so bored with everything I do? I learn the skill, ace it, then get bored and don't want to do it anymore.

Hell, I'm even bored with this post.